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Perhaps Today is Your Day

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Welcome Back,

Recently, I came across this genius list, I don’t know who wrote it but, I would love to give them the credit they deserve. It’s amazing how God can work through people, and help them come up with, lets call it “heart medicine” for someone else without even knowing it. Seriously, each person on this earth is amazing and has some sort of “heart medicine” to give. In Esther 4:14 God says “Perhaps THIS is the moment for which you have been created” and its true you really never know when the moment comes for you to fulfill your purpose. Its something to keep on your heart all the time, will today be the day that you serve your great purpose. Am I being kind to myself, and to others or am I missing my moment?

This list sparked something deep inside me, maybe it’s my passion for children, and learning but, I needed to share and add a few things to it. I thought if this list gave me such a profound reaction, it was worth Sharing

Note to Self:

Treat yourself the way you would treat a small child.

  • Feed yourself with healthy food
  • Make sure you spend time outside
  • Put yourself to bed early
  • Let yourself take naps
  • Don’t say hurtful things to yourself
  • Don’t put yourself in danger

(Your skull, and your heart are still as fragile as eggshells.)

My Additions

  • Let yourself be creative without worry of being judged
  • Give yourself opportunities to learn new things.
  • Let yourself play

Sitting here beating myself up because I have gained weight, not blogged, and have abandoned the majority of goals I set for myself at the start, I realized that I started this blog for the wrong reasons. I wanted a new me, and to change who I was. Here is the ultimate truth, each one of us is already amazing. Sometimes we need to be reminded, that no matter what you look like, how you act, or what is going on in your life you are one of God’s amazing creations. We have been placed here on this earth with purpose, and we are important. To me, that alone is amazing. Knowing this is one thing but, using it is another, I don’t always talk to myself or others, as I would a small child through love and respect. I say terrible things to myself everyday. So terrible, in fact when I read the list above, I broke down. Saying things like, “Wow, you really ruined yourself”, “You’re not as pretty as her”, “Lose some weight you look gross” “People will stop loving you if you don’t start losing weight soon”, “Your smart but, not as smart as they are”, “You are lazy”, and “You’d be prettier if you were skinnier, more tan, and had longer hair,” really isn’t what you would say to a child. It’s time we as humans start realising what we are and the opportunity we have. How many times do we have to hear the phrase “love yourself” until we finally do?

YOU are FEARFULLY & WONDERFULLY made ! Psalm 139:14

I have created a new plan for myself and those of you who read this are welcome to apply and adapt in your own life. The moment you feel unworthy, unloved, ugly, or simply bad do what is listed below to remind yourself who you are and why you are really here.

Stop, put your phone down, step outside and take a deep breath. Take in the earth we live in, the earth God made for us, this beautiful, creation for us to live, learn and share. Lastly, look at yourself and say “Wow, God made me, this beautiful creation to live here with a purpose to do something great.”

“Perhaps THIS is the moment for which you have been created.”

–Esther 4:14

Here is to living each day as if it may be the moment in which you have been created for. My day may not always be perfect, and though at times I may fall I have a plan to get back up. Here is to treating myself the way I would treat a small child, and allowing myself to explore and create without fear. Here is to loving one another, as God has loved and loves us.

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Cover Photo retrieved from Kaylie Jay Designs @ https://kayliejaydesigns.com/2015/12/30/january-desktop-wallpaper/
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A New Beginning

“Shame resilience is key to embracing our vulnerability. We can’t let ourselves be seen if we’re terrified by what people might think. Often ‘not being good at vulnerability’ means that we’re damn good at shame. ‘We all have shame. We all have good and bad, dark and light, inside of us. But if we don’t come to terms with our shame, our struggles, we start believing that there’s something wrong with us – that we’re bad, flawed, not good enough – and even worse, we start acting on those beliefs. If we want to be fully engaged, to be connected, we have to be vulnerable. In order to be vulnerable, we need to develop resilience to shame.”

– Brene Brown

 

What happened?

February 11th, 2016 I drove home with good intentions and the want to get my work done. A great weekend spent with friends left me a hefty workload ahead of me. I had Mon-Thurs to complete two weeks worth of homework that I had been putting off with feelings of inadequacy flowing through my veins. This feeling of “not good enough” has had me captive for a long time it’s rooted in shame, and the belief that I am not capable. I don’t add anything onto the end of that sentence because I feel it everywhere. Most of the accomplishes in my life seem to feel like “I got lucky”, “I scraped by”, and those feelings turned into “I don’t deserve this.”. The undeserving  feelings, foster shame. Margaret Paul describes that “The feeling of shame comes from the belief that, “I am basically flawed, inadequate, wrong, bad, unimportant, undeserving or not good enough.”. These terms have been flying through my mind for the last three weeks and these thoughts put me in a place of darkness. To numb the pain of shame and vulnerability I focused on other things, Pinterest, Facebook, and things that were not productive. I left that two weeks of homework till late Wednesday afternoon, to late to save myself and so far into my procrastination that I freaked out. Truth is, this is something that I do to myself OFTEN.

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Why did this Happen?

I believe this journey made this break down different. I could feel the problem, the shame, guilt, inadequacies, and undeserving thoughts crack. I lost it. It took me several days of darkness for those I love to say “Stop, you are worthy, you have a great life, a great family, people that love you, people who believe you can do this, you have to believe in yourself.”. It clicked, it isn’t my professors, my loved ones, my peers, or anyone else who believed that I couldn’t do it, it was me. After a few rounds of defeat I lost hope in myself, and the quality of my work. This didn’t just pause last Wednesday. Last Thursday I handed in an assignment sure “it wouldn’t be good enough.” in fact I had anxiety within me for the last four days dreading it’s return. When my professor didn’t email me I wasn’t relieved, I panicked. I questioned if she received the assignment, or had a chance to look at it yet. Imagine my surprise when she handed it back to me saying “this is good to go, well done.”. Instead being astonished by her remarks I reflected on my anxiety, it wasn’t the quality of my work that was the problem it’s my feeling of inadequacy.

This blog isn’t designed as a place for me to air my sad thoughts but to bring light to the darkness and emerge from this rubble. This is place where I can air my thoughts, sort them out, and create an action plan for something better. The reason I have it public is because I know how bad you can feel even when everything around you looks so good to others. Some people don’t get it, I am here to tell you I get it. This is my life and here is how I chose to discover ways to free myself from the self destructing path that I came from. I want to inspire others to start their own journey, and to use my experiences, findings, and tips to help free themselves from these things that I too struggle with.  Brene Brown, is a researcher on shame, recently I have discovered her work through Pinterest, and Ted Talks. After looking into her teachings and reading some of her book “The Gift of Imperfections” I was able to acknowledge and recognize that what I have been feeling is shame. Instead of sharing my feelings and being vulnerable I have numbed myself to this anxiety of vulnerability and hiding it through eating, procrastination, shopping, and social media. Yes my feelings of shame foster this vulnerability but, it’s my turn to make a change. I am at a point in my life where if I don’t make a change, I will lose almost everything I love.

Brene Brown describes what happens when people feel shame.

Most of us rely on one or more of these strategies to deal with shame:

  1. We move away by withdrawing, hiding, silencing ourselves and secret-keeping.
    • This is huge for me. This is my main strategy….
  1. We move toward by appeasing and pleasing.
  2. We move against by using shame and aggression to fight shame and aggression.

 

What will I do to make a change?

Studying the work of Brene Brown I have come up with a new action plan that will serve me better than the goals I have laid out before. Being resilient and spiritual will allow me to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability allowing me to find joy, and freedom from shame.

Joyful = Practised Gratitude

Brene Brown describes that women with high levels of shame resilience share these four things.

  1. Recognize shame and their triggers
  2. Practice critical awareness
  3. Reach out and share their stories
  4. Speak shame

Three suggestions to help us follow their lead.

  • Talk to yourself like you talk to someone you love.
  • Reach out to someone you trust.
  • Tell your story. “Shame cannot survive being spoken,” Brown says.

“The antidote? Empathy. [Shame] cannot survive being spoken and being met with empathy,” Brown says.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/08/brene-brown-shame-oprah_n_4059675.html

 

New Goals:

Gratitude Journal – Pick One Everyday

  • Write about things I am grateful for.
  • Write a Thank You note to somebody.
  • Show appreciation for someone in my life.

Exercise – Once I am finished school I will choose one everyday.

  • I will get active every chance I get by:
    • Ride Horse
    • Bike Ride
    • Run
    • Workout Video
    • Weight Circuit
    • Cardio
    • Go for a walk
    • etc.

Talk to myself like someone I love.

  • Be kind to myself everyday.
  • Believe in myself and know that I can do the things I set my mind to.
  • Nourish my mind and body with good thoughts and healthy food.

Share my stories, passions, and inspiration.

  • Blog at least once a week.

 

 

Walking away with desire for a better tomorrow.

– Brooke

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Week Five – Wednesday

The decision to go farther!

This verse guided me today. I had the desire to extend my workout and add some weights to the equation but, I was holding myself back by arguing my limitations. I kept saying “Oh, I don’t have time.” and “I’ll do it when I get home.” I was arguing my way out of just going to the circuit area and getting it done. Today, I was bound and determined I wanted to do more. So once I finished my biking I went straight over to the equipment area and started! It felt so good strengthening my muscles, and I was so proud that I finally took that step forward.

Report

Bike – I used 1:3 reps the first rep @ Level 7 and a speed of +80 RPM and then 3 reps @ Level 7 and a speed of +90 RPM. When biking I find myself watching that distance and pushing harder. I want to get better and I know what I am capable of so, instead of watching the time and thinking “when is this going to be over” I watch the the track and do reps by laps. One lap at the slower rep & three laps at the faster rep.


Strength – I used an arm circuit I found online, and I used hand weight as they did. I am telling you guys SPOTEBI.COM has the best workouts for anywhere and you need to check it out.

Arm & Shoulders Dumbbell Workout. Each exercises for 30 sec or complete 15-20 repetitions. Rest 30-60 sec, repeat circuit 4 times. Total of 20 mins:

“Whatever you do, do it with all your heart.”  Collosians 3:22 is so motivating, and encouraging. The last few days have been tough because, I really want to be home. This verse really caught my attention, and reminded me that though I want to be somewhere else I still need to have my heart in both places. I need to give it my all when I am at home or in the city, when I am having a bad day or a good day, and whether I am doing something I enjoy or something that I am not crazy about. Go out there and put your whole heart into it! Thanks for the pep talk God!

Truth is God has left us these little reminders and pep talks all over the Bible. Richard Thompson compiled a great list of 7 encouraging bible verses on the website Life Hope &  Truth, I have listed them below.

 

7 Encouraging Bible Verses

Psalm 27:1

“The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?”

Psalm 37:39 

“But the salvation of the righteous is from the LORD; He is their strength in time of trouble.”

Psalm 138:3 

“In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul.”

Matthew 19:26 

“But Jesus looked at them and said to them, ‘With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.’”

2 Corinthians 4:16

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.”

Philippians 4:13 

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

2 Timothy 1:7 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

Visit this link to explore more

https://lifehopeandtruth.com/bible/bible-study/encouraging-bible-verses/encouraging-bible-verses-about-gods-strength/

I hope everyone has had a motivated and blessed day!

Brooke 🙂

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Week Five – Tuesday

It’s a slow process, keep going.

  
When started this journey it wasn’t about losing weight or my body changing. This journey began because I wanted to be healthy and happy. The last few days I have been feeling different. Not happy, nor healthy I have been focusing on what I lack not on what I have gained. 

I needed some time to sort it out so as I laid in bed I quieted my mind and asked myself how am I feeling, why is it different, and what set me off. I realized I feel unsatisfied, I want results now, I want to be smaller, fit in smaller clothes, and be where I once was. This was tough for me to just be vulnerable and realize that maybe I need to up my mental health a bit. Honestly, I feel shameful I have been working so hard and staying positive and suddenly I chose to let my coats get to me. 

The self esteem coat is a duzy for me. This coat tells me “Your not beautiful, and you have to look good for them to like you, no one will love you looking like that.”. Is this truth, no and the sad thing is that I believed it for so long I began to wear it. The comparing game is never ending and it hurts. So, here I am saying God tells me I’m beautiful and loves me unconditionally, how can what that coat says be true. I cannot go through this life believing these lies and hiding from the truth. I am a beautiful creation from God, I am loved by him and the people in my life, people love me for who I am inside and I love myself today, yesterday, and forever.

  
Workout Report

I have been struggling here. I keep saying that I want to do more but I don’t. So tomorrow I’m doing it! I am making the time to be at the gym longer and longer extend my workout. Tomorrow I will be doing my usual biking and doing a body workout circuit also! Here is my workout report!  

Have a blessed, healthy and happy day!

Brooke ❤️

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Week Five – Monday

Mondays can be tough but, not this week! Reading week starts in Thursday! There is a frightening amount of assignments due after, and I am making a goal to have over half of it done before Thursday! This is a goal that will be tough for this procrastinator but, if I made the choice to start this journey doing homework should be minuscule. When I go home I have a really hard time avoiding snacking and skipping workouts. To prepare myself for the break I have created a Pinterest board where I can pin things to help me stay on track! 

  
Today’s workout started with reluctance and I still struggled in between but, I finished. In fact once it was over I was disappointed in the time I wasted not giving it my all. I continued with my usual bike workout 14km in 35 min. I am really listening to my body lately and I feel it’s time to kick it up a notch! Tomorrow I will be throughibg in some weights and stretching my workouts a little longer 🙂 Still can’t believe that I’m doing this but, it feels great!

 
Tonight was a good time for me to reflect on my day, and see the good about being here in the city. Three positives to being here: the gym, I am getting an education, and I have some awesome friends here in this city! 
  
Brooke 🙂

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Week Four – Friday

I did it! 

Operation “Make Fiday Happen” is complete! The workout was awesome and the timer even better! Refer to my last post for my workout info! My motovating alarm definitely made it happen!
 6 AM Selfie 

  1. Not only did I do a thirty minute leg workout I completed this little circuit from Popsugar before lunch.

I realize overdoing it is not ideal but, I was feeling motivated and refreshed so, why not.

PS. Here is my weight when I started this journey along with today’s weigh in results! Weight loss is not my ultimate goal but, it does feel great to see the number go down!

 In the evening I got creative and hung one of my favourite photos I have taken. I got it printed at staples as a 36×48! It’s giant and we love it! BTW it cost a total of $24 dollars!
  The picture really doesn’t do it justice!

 Hope everyone had a great day!
Brooke 

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Week Four – Thursday

Be Determined – to – Do what it takes – to – Have what you want

Be.Do.Have

Mental Health

I haven’t quite got to this piece yet but, I am going to grab a nice peppermint tea after class and reflect on my day while I’m driving home! Can’t wait t be home! 🙂

Workout Report

3 week diferenece (The top report is from January 20th tthe report below is from today)

It has been so rewarding to save these reports and compare them to see progress. 

The workout above is 13.2km in 34:36 minutes  and below is  14.01 km in 33:34 minutes. In 15 days I was able to go .98km farther and shaved off 01:02 minutes.

Progress

  • .98 km farther
  • 1:02 minutes faster
  • Added 6 RPM’s to my average
  • Added 6 RPM’s to my myy max
  • Upped my avg. heart rate 66 beats
  • Burnt 36 more calories

Not only can I see the progress on the report but, I can really feel mmy stamina building which is apart of my assignment goal! Hellelujah for results!

  

Friday Prep!

So, here is a new place where I will begin adding my Friday prep to make my workout happen!

Refer to the “Make it Happen” list below. This list is something I created from some research. Some of these options were adapted from this POPSUGAR list. Using their list I created something that would apply to me, and my rural life.

I am not at home yet but, I can do some of the things on my list now.

1. Plan my workout before Friday!

So, shin splints apparently are still a thing… This makes home cardio really hard. I rock cardio all week so Fridays I’m going to throw some weights in there, and do some squats! Here is my workout, plan brought to you by Pinterest.

I may have just struck GOLD, the link below takes you to an amazing website! It not only gives you the workout but, a warm up routine, timer, awesome YouTube playlist that goes with the workout, and crazy motivation! This may be my Friday regular!

Click on Me for a Lower Body Workout

3. Tell my loved ones that I am busy between 6&7 AM

  1. I told Ross that I need to make sure I do my workout, and that it would awesome if he could help me hold myself accountable. He is really encouraging, and usually on board for my wild plans. So if I don’t do my workout I not only have let myself down I will have let him down as well. Commitments people. Done.

4. Put a motivating message on my alarm for Fridays!

“Keep Pushing! Rise & Shine! Go get active!’

Fight Song, how could you get more motivated.

Set for every Friday @ 6:00 AM